he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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