you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
