I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
