At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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