She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
