Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
