i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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