wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
