i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
