i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
this hospital has no fireball
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
