Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
