Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
