2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
