the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
