Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
