Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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