your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
