she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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