My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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