well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
