i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
