I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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