My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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