I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
