your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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