You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
