Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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