I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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