Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she looked like the before picture.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
