I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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