You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
