he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
