i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
