Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
