my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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