Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
