So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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