She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
