im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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