My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
