The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
