i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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