the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
