put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
