i permit you to call me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
