Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
