I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
