once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
