dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
