I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just gargled with NyQuil
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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